Grace Land
by SisiDraig
Summary: Vince and Howard get accidently married in Vegas - One Shot!
1. Chapter 1

**Got the inspiration from What Happens in Vegas! Also, let's ignore the fact that Gay-marriage is not permitted in Vegas, we'll all gloss over that. It's a one-shot!**

**D/C - I own nothing!**

* * *

"We're what!?"

"Married." Naboo repeats calmly.

"How?"

"Don't ask me." The shaman shrugs. "I just received a bill and some photos from the Graceland Chapel in Vegas this morning."

"But… but… I don't even fancy Howard. Look at him, he's a jazz Darlek. He's a freak. Oh! My image is ruined. How could this happen? I'm finished. If anyone finds out about this - it's all over. I'll never be popular again."

"I think we have more pressing worries that your image, Vince." says Howard bitterly. "We're married."

"Alright. Don't say it too loudly." Vince urges, looking around as though a Cheekbone Ninja might leap out start spreading the news to the Camden Elite. "Jeez." he whistles. "I've done some stupid things when I've been drunk before but this… this is _by far _the stupidest."

"Thanks." snaps Howard angrily.

"What?" asks Vince, all innocence and wide eyes.

"So this is worse than the time you woke up in the ocelot pit with nothing but a loincloth on, is it?"

"I thought I was being Tarzan."

"And this is worse that the time, god forbid, you were so drunk you wore beige?"

"Don't talk about that!" cries Vince, waving his arms around in desperation.

"And this is worse than the time you went home with that bearded woman?"

"Ah. Now, that was different, I thought she was a man with tits."

"And that's better is it?"

"It's not worse." reasons Vince. "This is though." He turns back the Naboo, "I can't be married to Howard. He, he… he likes Jazz!"

"Forget it." Howard scowls suddenly. "You're right. This is the worst thing ever. Worse than death and a life time of forced Gary Numan listening and anything other form of torture. I want a divorce… now."

"You what!?" Vince cries. "You can't want a divorce. You can't break-up with me! I'm the good looking one, I'm the glamorous one. If anyone's breaking-up with anyone then I'm breaking-up with you!"

"Tough. I've already done it."

"Well… I don't accept."

"You don't?"

"No. I want to stay married."

"But a second ago it was the worst thing that could possibly happen."

"Yeah… but then I thought of something worse."

"Which is…?"

"Being chucked by you."

"Argh!"

"What?"

"I hate you."

"Ditto."

And with that, they march off in opposite directions across the flat.

"Look like perfect married couple to me" comments Bollo and Naboo hums his agreement.

--

"_Look at the lights!" Cried Vince, bouncing up and down in his seat in the taxi. "How much money have we got to gamble away?"_

_"Well, less now that we had to buy that ridiculous suit."_

_"This is not ridiculous. This, is a Vegas suit. I look like a genius."_

_"You look like a pimp."_

_"Pimp-chic?"_

"_No more, there's a pimp, arrest him."_

_Vince chuckled a little mumbling something about how unattractive jealousy was and Howard, in a mad impulse stole Vince's white cowboy hat and placed in on his own head._

"_What're you doing?" Vince asked, in mock outrage._

"_Fitting in." shrugged Howard._

_Howard had refused to take the hat off until he caught sight of himself in the large, hotel room mirror, at which point, he'd ripped it from his head and thrown it onto the double bed. Then he'd stared at the bed in utter horror. He and Vince were close friends but they certainly were not at the bed-sharing stage. Howard Moon did not swing that way sir, oh no._

"_This place is genius." Vince said bounding back in to the room. "Separate bedrooms. Who'd have thought it."_

_Oh thank God. Howard's brain supplied but somewhere, somewhere deep inside there was twinge of upset._

"_Two doubles as well." Vince continued. "This is brilliant."_

"_Hmm." agreed Howard. He was still annoyed that a prize as tacky as weekend in Vegas had been won in a competition in the global explorer and even __**more **__annoyed that it had been Vince, who'd won it._

"_Come on Howard. Let's go exploring."_

"_We should really unpack first."_

"_Awww. That's boring and we're in Vegas the city of… gambling and getting wasted!" he cried. "Let's go Global Explore. Ha! D'you get it? Coz I won the competition in your-"_

_"I get it!" Howard cut in so fast that his words blurred together and came out a low grunt._

_--_

"_How can you still be miserable? That woman was __**lovely **__to you."_

"_Shut up." Howard blushed beetroot red._

"_I think she fancied you." insisted Vince, blue eyes wide with fake innocence._

"_But she was a lady of the night."_

_Vince eyes went wider still, "A vampire?"_

"_A prostitute."_

"_Ohhh." Vince giggled with false, over the top understanding as Howard blushed more. "Oh. Well that would make sense. You don't usually have moderately attractive woman after you."_

"_How dare you? I could have any woman I choose."_

"_Whatever you say Casanova. Ooo. Look." Vince laughed, pointing at a large luminous sign. "That looks cool."_

_Howard was fairly sure Vince had been so distracted by the pretty sign that he didn't actually know what the building contained but that didn't stop them piling through the door and into the club-cum-casino._

_--_

Vince sits in his bedroom, looking down at his left hand. It wasn't as though he hadn't noticed the tacky silver ring sitting proudly on his ring finger. He'd just convinced himself that the engagement hand was the right hand and not thought anymore of it. He twirls the ring idly around his finger. In the back of his mind, he'd kind of guessed _something _had happened on that first night but he just hadn't expected it to be that he'd got married. He sighs. This is the worst thing ever. How could he have been _so _stupid? No amount of alcohol should have ever permitted him to do something as stupid as marry his best friend.

--

"_Vince I think you've had too much."_

"_No! I think __**you've **__had too much!" Vince countered, collapsing heavily against Howard's shoulder as they left the club and began to walk down the over-crowded pavement. "You just need to be happy Howard. Hey, happy Howard - that… rhymes." Vince looked so proud of himself that Howard laughed a little._

"_I think we're both a bit drunk. About time we headed back to the room."_

_"Noooooooo! S'too early!" groaned Vince pushing Howard away hard and stumbling into a man. "Hi." he smiled, fluttering his eyelashes flirtatiously_

_Howard dragged Vince away, apologizing intensely. _

"_Oooo. Look." Vince giggled, pointing at a sign, which read one free flirtini for everyone and before Howard could say or do anything he was being dragged into another club._

_--_

"_Lighten up!" Vince laughed, a breathy whisper in Howard's ear, as a tall bartender, helped Vince onto the bar. The intoxicated man let out a long whoop of delight and started dancing along the bar. Everyone around cheered and even Howard failed to suppress a smile from invading his face._

"_Drink, sir?" The barman asked._

"_Please." Howard grinned. "Make it large and full of alcohol."_

"_Right you are." laughed the man._

_--_

_Lights were blinding. People were pushing against them from every single direction. The music was blearing, thumping through their bloodstream. The alcohol sloshed around their brains. Howard had loosened up so much that he actually though it would be good idea to lift Vince up and twirl him around. Vince wrapped his legs around Howard's waist and leant back as someone else tipped a bottle of something strongly alcoholic and purple into his mouth. It spilled down his face, into his hair, on his clothes but he didn't care. He raised his hands above his head in triumph and there was another cheer of support from the surrounding dancers._

_--_

Howard looks down at the pictures of their wedding. They both looked a little worse for wear, grinning at the camera so proud, so very drunk. He sighs. He wishes so hard he'd been less stupid. It was expected of Vince but not of Howard. He was supposed to be the sensible one. He sighs and looks at the next photo. Vince is hanging all over him and his soft lips are pressed to the corner of Howard's mouth. Howard blushes and looks around his bedroom shiftily before pushing that photo under his pillow. He doesn't want to forget everything.

--

"_HOWAAAAARD!"_ _Cried Vince, appearing from nowhere._

"_Where've you been?" Howard asked, leaning heavily against a wall._

"_Over there." Vince pointed in some non-descript direction, shook his head. "No over there." pointing in a different direction._

_Howard chuckled a little as Vince fell against him, head resting on his shoulder._

"_You're drunk." Howard pointed out._

"_So are you."_

"_I know."_

_"Yeah. You wouldn't let me touch you like this if you weren't drunk."_

"_Mmm." Howard agreed, winding his hand through Vince's hair because he was also too drunk to protest._

"_Hey." Vince cried, stepping back suddenly._

"_What?"_

"_D'you know what would be __**brilliant**__?" Vince said, twirling around enthusiastically and staggering over again. Howard caught him by the elbow and held him up._

"_What?" he smiled._

"_We should get married." Vince giggled. "Imagine that!"_

"_You're ridiculous." Howard chuckled uneasily. He could feel his face flushing._

"_Noooooo! It's smart see. Coz I love you Howard and you love me. And we live together but we never have sex. We're virtually a married couple already."_

_"You're being ridiculous." laughed Howard but his cheeks were bright red now and he was furious with his heart for beating faster._

"_Noooo! Let's make it official."_

"_Vince."_

"_What?" Vince asked, blue eyes bright and beautiful, face flushed with alcohol and grin so infectious._

"_You're too drunk." Howard insisted._

"_Don't matter. Come on. It'll be a nice surprise for Naboo when we get home. It'll be such a laugh being married to you. You'll be like; 'Hi I'm Howard Moon and this is my little wifey Vince Noir.' Hey. I'm Vince Noir. And you'll be my wife too see - that's how it works."_

"_I don't…"_

"_Oh Shooosh!" Vince slapped a finger to Howard's mouth. "Don't be a fun-killer and spoil-sport. It'll be brilliant I promise. Till death to us part. Yeah? Come on, this'll be __**genius!**__"_

_--_

Vince slams his head into the pillow. He feels like such a fool. What was going through his head when he said 'I do', apart from the alcohol of course? Suddenly, he feels something slap him lightly on the back. He sits up and looks around to see Howard stood near the door. His face is strange; strangled and angry but also twisted with upset and hurt. Vince looks at the bed covers next to him and sees photo's of what must have been the wedding. He looks a mess. His hair's all over the place, vodka-matted and sticking out at ridiculous angles. His make up is all down his face and he's got a bottle of wine sloshing about in his hand. He looks like an alcoholic mess. Then Vince looks at the Howard stood next to him. He looks decidedly less drunk, in fact hardly that drunk at all. He's stood up on his own and looks happy as hell, his arm around Vince's waist and a daft grin on his face.

"You're not…" Vince says dumbly, pointing at the photo.

"Drunk, no? A bit tipsy maybe but not drunk."

And with that Howard walks from the room. Vince stares down at the photo and at the ring on his hand and actually considered what it would be like to honour his commitment.


	2. Chapter 2

Vince stared at the photo. He'd looked at it for over an hour. It still didn't make sense. Howard had known what he was doing. He'd known all along and yet he'd still gone along with it. What did that mean? Vince sighed and looked at the ring on his finger. He still hadn't taken it off and, if he was honest, he didn't really want to take it off. It looked nice good there, he kind of liked the fact he was off limits. He thought it could work in the clubs.

"Oh that's Vince Noir." They would say, "You haven't got a chance. He's taken." He smiled. He quite liked the idea of being taken. But taken by Howard? That was a whole other story. But the thought made him fluttery inside. He felt excited like when you're on a rollercoaster and your getting close to the top. The same way he felt every time he looked at Howard.

What was he going to do?

Howard led on his bed and groaned loudly. Why had he been honest with Vince? He should have just played along with the disgust, got the divorce. Left it at that. He was hurting so much, he felt sick. He wasn't crying. He was _not _crying. It had just been raining on his face. He groaned and then a small voice whispered his name. Vince was fidgeting by the door.

"Go away." Howard said without turning around. His voice was strained and hurting. Vince winced, when he heard it.

"I… look. I'm… Howard?"

"What?"

"Do you, you know, love me?"

"No." Howard spat quickly. He didn't want to talk about this now. He wasn't in the mood.

"Coz I think… I mean... I don't know. I think I might."

"Might what?"

"Love you."

"You bitch!" growled Howard, finally turning around to glare at his, well… husband. "Why are you doing this? Is this some new game? Some sick, stupid new game where you just twist my feelings and hurt me for your own shallow pleasure."

Vince blanched and took a step back. He swallowed thickly.

"What? Howard. I'm not doing anything. I'm just trying to explain."

"Explain what? You married me and you regret it. End of!""You were there too Howard!" Vince yelled. "You saw how drunk I was! You must have known I wasn't really in the state to make a commitment to finish a meal, let alone commit to a marriage."

"I… I…" Howard stuttered. He didn't know what to say. Was Vince trying to make this out to be _his _fault?

"I wasn't the one who suggested the marriage."

"Weren't you?" Vince asked, voice suddenly quiet. Tear-broken and desperate. "Tell me Howard. Tell me what happened."

Howard considered the man ahead of him carefully. He looked somehow broken. He wasn't crying. Vince never really cried but his eyes were bright and angry and his hair was a mess and he just looked lost.

"I don't know how I feel." Vince whispered, in brutal honesty. "I… I mean. I don't know what love is Howard but… I mean, I know I feel more comfortable around you than anyone else in the world. I know you're my best friend ever. And I know… I know that I really want to kiss you right now."

Howard frowned. None of this made sense. "You do?" he asked.

Vince nodded shallowly. "Would that be okay?"

Howard shrugged. "I guess. I mean, we are married."

Vince smiled a little and perched himself on Howard's bed. He placed a hand gently on Howard's cheek.

"I'm sorry, Howard." he whispered.

"For what?"

"Acting like a tit." he sighed. "I didn't mean anything I said earlier. I was shocked, you know. I didn't want to be tied down. I'm still not sure if I do but, I really care about you. More than I've ever cared about anyone. Is that love?"

"No." Howard shook his head. "Love is… love is when you don't think you can breath without the person. When you think of nothing else but them, when everything reminds you of them. When they always look beautiful, when they can cheer you up just by being there."

"Is that… is that… how you feel about me?"

Howard looked down at his knees and nodded.

"I couldn't imagine my life without you." Vince insisted and leant over to kiss Howard on the cheek. "Teach me how to love Howard." he urged, pressing another kiss to his cheek. "Teach me how."

"You're being ridiculous Vince." he said, but he wasn't very convincing and Vince's lips were on his and they kissed slowly. Howard's mind went totally blank. He didn't know if this was good or bad anymore. He pushed Vince away slowly and the younger man frowned. His eyes, large and confused. He looked scared.

"Howard. I…" he fell silent.

"What?"

"Please."

"Please, what?"

"_Please_." he begged. "I can't."

"Can't _what _Vince."

"Can't lose you."

"Lose me? What are you talking about?"

"I couldn't bear it if you left me. I don't want to get divorced. I've never felt this way about anyone before I was just… I _am_ just scared of messing it up. I'd rather be your friend that have you hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"Coz… I don't know if I can be a good husband." he said, he sounded desperate. "I don't wanna mess it up. I'm terrified that you'll leave. I'm terrified you'll never know how much I care. You make me feel like everything is so perfect, even when it's falling apart. You make me feel like everything will be okay, even when we're up to our necks in sand. I… I don't know what this is." he said.

"Vince." the younger man looked up. "I think this might work."

"Huh?"

"I… I mean. I think that's love."

Vince nodded and kissed Howard again. It was a bit rubbish because, Howard quickly realised, Vince was giggling and there were tears running down his cheeks.

"What?" Howard asked, pushing him away.

"I'm just… I'm happy." he laughed, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "So happy."

"Me too little man." Howard smiled, kissing his forehead.

"Hey Howard."

"Hmm?"

"I bet we're the first couple ever to get married and _then_ realised they love each other."

Howard chuckled a little. "Probably." he grinned.


End file.
